Did you guys know I had work? I work at this Halloween store and it's just a seasonal job. But it might get me back to Pi or at least to Oregon for that matter. Hehe. FUCK!!!! I don't want to work fucking 40 hours a week!! FUCK!!!!! >:(

Maybe you and I were kept apart so the next meeting will be beautiful. Maybe you and I are what we are because time has yet to unfold before our eyes. Maybe you are scared because you are planning for more wonderful things. Maybe I am scared because you're scared at all. Maybe I am young because I've yet to learn. Maybe I've yet to learn so many things about you. Maybe you are quiet because so many things have happened that you don't want to talk about. Maybe I should stop asking. Maybe I shouldn't. Maybe I should keep trying to make ends meet. Maybe I should really carry out my half of the bargain. Maybe I ask too much, period. Maybe I should let things take their own course. Maybe it's serendipity. Maybe.

Maybe it's that guy in class. Maybe he sits next to me for some reason every other day. Maybe not. Maybe he just likes his seat because it's comfy. It just happens to be next to mine. Maybe it's that very likeable guy, whose stories enchant me, whose sweetness touches my soul. Maybe it's somewhere in Portland. Maybe it's in Canada. Maybe it's in the Philippines. Maybe it's in Timbuktoo. Maybe he's somewhere I haven't been to nor even dreamed about. Maybe he's out there. Maybe.

Maybe I'm agitated. Maybe I'm worried. Maybe I'm just sick and tired of the same old routine. Maybe I do want things my way. Maybe I do want things to happen fast. Maybe I am nervous. Maybe I am confused. Maybe I am a lot of things. Maybe my decisions get the best of me. Maybe I say a lot of wrong things. Maybe I do a lot of wrong things. Maybe I spend a lot of time dwelling too much on the past. Maybe I think too much of the future. Maybe I should live in the moment. Maybe I should live by the day. Maybe.

Whatcha think, Chols? True huh? Thanks for teaching me something today. Mwah.

What is it in the strange that makes me fear it? What is it in something new that gets me scared? I turn away before I feel comfortable, I disappoint myself even before it starts, and I give up even before I comprehend. What is it with it that makes me fail right from the beginning? Is it not for me? Why do I have to watch my back, and at the same time, multi-task to think about your heart?? I hate doing that. For once, why can't it just be right? Is it repeatedly doing it that makes the magic go away? I think I should just kiss it goodbye.

I hate the fact that this week is test week. I think I'm becoming cross-eyed cos of reading. Hehe. I've three chapters in each of my tests. One test is 75 points, multiple choice. The 2 other tests aren't that far from 75. Dang it!!

But, nonetheless, I've had a good week. I was able to buy 13 books from this relatively nice gentleman in school. He especially opened one box of books for me. I was looking for some Anne Rice books, but I ended up with Grisham and Clancy books. Not bad, eh? :) So, yeah I'm reading this book right now, but I'll tell you guys when I'm done. I can't quite finish cos I think I left my green Faber Castell marker on the bus bench one time, and I'm pissed off cos that's what I use to underline unfamiliar words. Dang it. Hehe. Besides that, I attended Psychology Day yesterday at school. It was fun cos we had treasure hunts and stuff, but it was tiring cos the night before that, I only had three hours of sleep. (Dumdeedum bat kaya! :P) I was falling asleep when the last guest speaker was talking. Haha. And she wouldn't shut it too. Psychologists are like that. Haha. After listening to them talk, I realized how many different directions you could go with a BS degree in Psych. However, I'm changing my major to English if I seriously want to get into law. Pakshiyet. I wish someone told me this sooner. Hehe. I love my psych classes and my sociology class. It's just that I've to take more English units for me to transfer to a UC.

A while ago, I was just ranting how only 4 people replied. Now, I've received eight more texts from Pierre, Cucay, Tria, Issa, Jen, Tet and Kuya Bing. Another exchange of words caused me to feel a little bit more sad though... : Sir Duke (9/6/2003 5:35:30 PM) Hi jik. Im ok. Alrdy missd u. Met kring n tere. Talkd about u n ur classmates. Jik Aww.. I missed you guys all the more.. I'm studying na,taking psych.Hoping to transfer to a UC campus.How's teaching naman?How are they? Sir Duke (9/6/2003 7:03:32 PM) Gd luck. I still love teachng. Ok ang studnts ko this year. But u n ur klasmeyts r still bettr, teachr jik. Jik ='( And I'm still thankful we got you to be our teacher.. Hay... I'm not taking math class yet, but next sem I hope. I hope also that my teacher's as -> ..dynamic as you. Take care Sir Duke!! :) Ingat ka parati :) Jik oh by the way,when i get back,bilan mo na kong chicken sa banana leaf ha! you can go to my site too.http://jikjikjik.blogspot.com ... TC! Sir Duke (9/6/2003 7:14:14 PM) Watdafaz! D mo pa rin nakakalimutan yun? Cge, deal yun.. only if ur math grade is high. Thanks jik. Ingat kayo din dyan. Jik Watdafaz!!! OMG! Naalala mo pa yung expression na yon!! Hay.. O sige deal ha!? :) Thanks Sir Duke!! Ingat :) That was my conversation with my Trigonometry teacher, Sir Duke. I miss you!! Sir, naaalala mo ba si Mr. Winston?! Mama's boy!! Shux!! May utang ka pang session kasama namin!! Hahaha. Dang, I miss the good times. Sir Duke, yung chicken ko sa Banana Leaf ha. :)

Oh well, that's my weekend for ya. Nuninu.. I was suddenly pissed at this whole plagiarism issue too because I was doing a homework for my Psych class for "A-Track" students. The teacher specifically said NOT to plagiarize, meaning to use Goldstein's words (the author of our book) or her words. But, in one of her questions, she said: "State the main idea dadada..." and the subquestion being: "Restate the idea in your own words..." So.. I was thinking, if I copied the exact main idea from the book as my answer to question 1, would it be plagiarizing? She said STATE! For Chrissake. Someone leave a message on my tagboard please and help me out. If I used my own words for question one and rephrased them again for the subquestion, wouldn't that be redundant and stupid?!! Lol help me please.

Hey.. It's strange how we've been friends for so long, but the moment I met you just seems like yesterday. Yeah, your headband. Man, that killed me.

Do you remember when we were still in seventh grade? In freshman high school? Do you remember December of 1999? Do you remember the coke can? Do you remember the pillow? Do you remember sitting under the stars, the grass looking upon us from below our feet? Do you remember taking my hand? Do you remember telling me about her? Do you remember telling me in detail how you apologized to her and got her friendship back? Do you remember?

I was in my new room that Christmas season. It was the joyful season where I stayed in bed for a whole two weeks. When I finally came out, my aunt said I lost a few pounds. Go figure, I didn't have food in my room. The telephone was enough to fulfill my hunger. Your voice was enough. Did you know that I spent hours memorizing the white dots on my bedroom ceiling, wondering what I did wrong? I remembering telling you. And you, you told me to stop.

I wish you didn't have to leave for how many months, and just grow distant. I told you this about a million and a hundred times: Where'd our friendship go? Listening to your CDs almost everyday reminds me so much of you, so much of the time you held my hand. I felt it, and it was real. I wish i had more of the last hug you gave me, that tear in your eye, those three words, when translated to the native tongue means more to me than the world. I wish I had more of that. Would it be so out of line to say that? I do wish I had more of that. Why? ... You know why.

I've wished for a magical moment recently. I've found myself staring into space, picturing myself in a coffee shop, waiting for someone to sit with me and say, "Hey, what's going on? What're you reading?". And that will be the first line of our very interesting conversation. We would sit together and have coffee and a few smokes. We would walk together, and he would walk me home. We would pass fields of green and skies of blue. And it will be magical. We would spend time together every chance we get, and we would hang out and talk about the greatest poets of the world. He would read to me Morning by Pablo Neruda, or Sonnet CXVI by this guy called William Shakespeare. We will talk about art, and Van Gogh and Monet. We will talk about music, and theatre, and lie flat on our stomachs on God's great earth, sharing one book - The Holy Bible. We will run along the shore and plop down on the sand come night. And we will talk of and to the moon, and stare at the stars, and sleep in their light. And these are magical moments, only to that extent. These are magical moments, because he will be my friend, and nothing else.

I wish I had the chance to do those things with you. It would have been wonderful, and beautiful, and serene to have spent moments like that with you. And she? She was very lucky. But she blew it. ... And so did I. Please don't say I put you above the rest. I don't. I just miss you, and think wishful thoughts. I wish we didn't do what we did, or played around, and watch Time slip away. We were Time's fools. We didn't make the most out of it. If we did, we could've done those things, and experienced those magical moments. But no.

...

Do you remember calling me princess?

Pakshiyet!!!!! What's wrong with squawkbox man!?! ARGHHHHH. I'm not paying for a paking renewal.