Is there such a thing as recycled love? I just had an unusual thought, if not funny, that love can be recycled from one person to another. Or maybe, it's NEW and IMPROVED love, with some added flavor and ingredients minus the elements that didn't make it work the first (second, third, what have you) time around. Isn't it funny that when we move on from one person to the next, we tend to give more because there's a newfound hope in this budding relationship? I don't know, but that's what I honestly think.

I was skimming through my friends list in the oh-so-wonderful Friendster (hehe) and I came across the men who've been a part of my life, and wondering now where they are (and what could've been. What?? Hehe just kidding. =P) And after giving off a sigh of I dunno, a strange mix of contentment, aloofness and irresolution, I gave myself the permission to reflect and muse on the things that happened since I was in 6th grade, and how every single relationship was different from the one before.

If I were to sketch a graph of how my relationships were from the first to the last, it would be like the graph of K (carrying capacity in Ecology) where it starts to build, increase, drop, increase, drop, increase and eventually be stable after how long. That's when I thought of recycled love; that the love a person gives to another once it's over is passed on to somebody else after some time. And with that, the person (hopefully for Chrissake) has learned more from his experiences to therefore be able to give a better kind of love to the next recipient. I'm proud to have met people who at the first instance gave their all with very little holding back. And I'd bet that the people they're loving now are luckier than I was at my time.

Think about it. Your boyfriend or girlfriend now has probably loved somebody else before you (well there are exceptions of course) and it makes me think if that love they're giving you now is just what's left of the one before, or a complete new love with no remnants from the past. But I guess it can't be a complete and new love since what we know before, we have added stuff to, so still, part of it was from the one before. So I guess what I'm really trying to say is that YES, love CAN be recycled and it's not such a bad thing. Because if YOU were on the receiver's end, then you're bound for a better relationship considering that your partner has learned from many times before (and if they're sane and respectable people as well =P). But then... not all people are in the same maturity level, so who am I to say that the next relationship will be better...

What about this: the next relationship will be better because hopefully people have strived to be smarter and more considerate due to their past experiences. And everytime you start something new, there's always the HOPE of finishing it with satisfaction. Then you could go into a plateau.. which... isn't really such a bad thing either. =)

After all this time of not writing and thinking of something to write about just to fill the void spot in my rarely updated blog, I finally came up with something that did more than send chills up my spine. I was watching American History X. I don't think any other film has struck me as much as this.

This movie is very real. Right when it started up to ten minutes after it ended, I was scared. My heart was pounding. And while all this was happening, I was learning so many things at the same time. American History X is about two American brothers who belonged to a gang strongly opposing people of another race and color inhabiting the country that they believe is theirs and theirs only. This belief sunk so much into their heads that Derek, the older brother, eventually ended up killing two African-American men who were trying to steal his car. These were the same guys who they beat fair and square in the basketball court where they had a deal that the losers would leave with no fights whatsoever. He was so into this gang, a cult almost, that they would torture people of other races to convince themselves that they are superior and of higher authority. So, he ended up in prison for committing murder and served his time with those who've been caught breaking the law. Inside prison, however, he was considered the "black" guy. Even the "white" guys in prison turned their backs on him because he didn't take any shit from anybody. He knew his day would come, and he expected it. Instead, he endured pain from something else -- through his rear end, and a painful visit from his high school teacher, the same teacher who taught Derek's younger brother Danny. What did his high school teacher tell him? That there's not enough time to be pissed at the world. That life is too short to be pissed all the time. There's no use blaming God, blaming the world or whathaveyou for whatever is pissing you off. We don't get answers because we're asking the wrong questions. Instead, we should ask "What have I done that has made my life better?". Derek had no answer. So, after learning his lessons in prison, he finally got out of jail after three years and came back a new man. This once tough, respected pseudo-god who everyone couldn't touch decided to pack his shit and live a new life, a life that was rid of all this chaos and wrong beliefs; a life that was peaceful for their family. He went to the gang's party and decided out. Instead, he gets a gun pointed at his face for "turning his back on his people". But he was agile enough to save himself of the disgrace, took off and threw the gun. His brother, looking up to him, came after him and asked him the reason for his "stupid" behavior. Derek then explained how life was in prison; that he had to learn that everybody was equal and he had to learn it the hard way. His old beliefs meant nothing. For chrissake, his teacher was African-American. What he believed in was false, and it ate him up from inside to his demise. So, after a long talk, they finally decided to let it go and move on to a better life. As Derek was walking Danny to school to hand in his essay wherein he wrote about "American History X" talking about discrimination and false beliefs and moving on to better things, Derek had to take care of business and told his brother to take care. Danny went in the restroom to take a piss before class. When he turned around, an African-American kid had a gun pointed straight at him and fired three shots on his chest...

...And this is the life that some people could relate to. This is the life that some people have lived. I don't know if I should be thankful to not have experienced what they did. But at the same time, I'm thankful that it's all over and I hope that everyone has learned what I have learned: Everyone is equal. All we have to do that would make us different is to make something of ourselves.