Apprehensions
The events during the last 13 hours were quite extraordinary. There were quick turns somewhere along the way, much to my surprise. You could say, I was caught off guard. Last night, I was at choir practice at Alex's place. We were practicing some songs until we got to our communion song, Awit ng Paghilom. This is a song I have learned to love, especially when the choir sings it. It's just beautiful. We chose to sing it because it coincided with the mass's theme: "It is when you are weak that you are strong." After the Bacani issue, which I would honestly say I find preposterous (what they're accusing him of), the church was divided into believers and non-believers. I am the latter. We chose that song because the church needed some healing, thus Awit ng Paghilom. Our musical director thought of modifying the way the song was to be sung. He suggested the first part be sung by a female solo, the second verse by the tenors, and the third verse, as a whole. He was looking for a volunteer for the female solo part. I, of course, would not volunteer. (read: I fear singing in front of a lot of people) So, we were all pointing to Ate Malou since she would always do the solo parts. But, last night, something happened. Without my expecting it, Kuya VG suddenly says a little bit louder than the rest, just enough so everyone could hear, "Si Jik, si Jik!" Muntik na ko mahulog sa anak ng tortang pagong na upuan ko. (I almost fell off my goddamned chair!) (That was not a direct translation, LOL) So, since I thought I would be leaving in a few days, I decided to accept it, not knowing what in the hell I was thinking. I would utter "Shit" when I'd get out of tune. Kind of hypocritical huh? My practice and my words? Lol. So... there. When I got home, I held the music sheet in my hand, placed it in front of me, and sang.
I called my friend Mike and told him my apprehensions about singing solo in front of a lot of people. (Read: I get really, really nervous) So, I sang to him, and asked him what he thought of it. It took me approximately 7 minutes to calm down, wipe the sweat off my hands and sing to him. Blech! What more if I sang in front of so many people..!?! When I was done, he said, "Maganda kaya, kayang kaya mo yan!" LECHE!!! I could've bonked him on the head for all his attempt to rid my nervousness off me in that manner. He just needed to make it worse by saying, "Anung oras yung mass niyo bukas, para mapanuod kita. I don't know what happened in the next few hours. The only thing I knew was that I was asleep. I was asleep and yes, he was still there. He woke me up after some time, and told me to hang up and go to bed. I was apologizing a gazillion times. I asked him what time it was as I looked at my windows with one eye. He said it was already past 5 AM. Dang, and he was still at the other end of the phone for Chrissake! After that, I hung up.
Fast forwarding again, about 2 hours ago, I woke up. I checked my phone as usual and found a message from him. This was what it said: "Naririnig ko ikaw nagggrind ng teeth!" Wah! !@#$%^&* <- Thoughts in my head.
I had a weird 13 hours. Waking up reminded me again of singing solo later today. Kinakabahan talaga ako. I still don't understand how Kuya VG came up with that weird idea. Geez, I shouldn't be surprised anymore, *wink *wink. I got up, sat in front of the piano, and played. I played that song while singing so many times that I decided to turn the page and play something else. Hehe. I started playing Now We Remain, another beautiful piece. In a few hours, I will stand there, holding a microphone, or wishing I'd reach it LOL, and I will sing. I know I am singing for the Lord, not for myself nor for no one else. Dang apprehensions. Lord, help me.
at 11:48 PM
