On Leaving
It always happens that the people left behind are the ones who seem to feel so much heavier than the one who leaves. I am the one leaving in a month. Waking up today was hard again, as it reminded me that I only have a few days left to make the most out of my stay in the country where I watched myself grow up. This is the country that I learned to love.
It saddens me to think that where you are has to jibe with your personal happiness. I'm not even going to ask why, but I've concluded that that is so. My point bluntly being -- I hate it. I hate the way things are supposed to be like that. I am torn, having to leave the people who have made me who I am. These people have rounded me up, have gone with me through everything. These people have seen me at my happiest moments, and have witnessed me at my lowest days. These people have known me, and have seen me transparently, without passing judgment upon my being. They have held my hand, have kissed my cheeks, my lips. They have patted me once or twice on my shoulders, have hugged me here and there a couple of times. They have walked with me, and are there for me. They have held me close, to themselves and to their hearts. That's what matters most. I don't think I will ever feel such a thing, when I find myself situated in another place, far from these people who I call my friends.
Right now, I seem to know no time. No matter how fast or how slow the day goes, it still brings me one step closer to the day I leave. I hate it once again, because I can't do anything about it. Do you think it will be easy seeing all of your faces when I leave? Do you? It won't be easy, and it will never even be close to being that way. It pierces me, to see all of your reactions when I leave. Those faces -- those make me realize who I am to you. Those faces will give me the reassurance of having friends like you care for me. Those faces, I will take with my each day I am away. Hopefully, they will be my strength to move on.
I woke up today with tears in my eyes. I guess it takes quite an amount of courage to stand up and face each day normally as the others. Dearest Pinsan, you told me this last night. "Just as it was getting good, you all have to leave." Yes, Pinsan. Just as it was getting good. Lord, give me the fortitude to last another day.
at 6:39 PM
