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Per Ardua Ad AstraDearest... I'm sorry for the paranoia. I'm sorry. I just suck at performing being far from the person I love. I didn't mean anything bad. I didn't mean to sound accusing. I didn't mean that at all. All I am, I would have to admit, is scared. I am scared, because I would want to hold you next to me and not have to worry about what the rest of the world thinks, but I can't have that. Not yet. I am scared, because I might lose someone who means dearly to me. I fear losing someone again. I don't want that with you. I am selfish, for I want you all to myself. I am sorry, for putting you through so much. I am apologizing, for not showing you the right way that I care. I am sorry. I regret that I have doubted you. I regret not putting 100% trust in you. I know I will someday. You do measure up to my standards. You wouldn't be mine if you didn't. All I want babe is to hold you. I want to see see you and look at you with my eyes. I want to be the person looking at you. I want to be able to feel you even though you're far from my grasp. And I'm sorry, because that longing led me to paranoia. You hated that, and I'm sorry. There are no other words. I am praying to see you again. I'm praying to have you with me. You make my heart melt, and I've been trying to be a cold-hearted snow queen all this time. I have tried to screw up my chances of finding the right person by being distant from it all. But I fail when I am with you. And I like it that way. You catch me off guard at the most awkward times, in the most unreal situations. But I like it and I'm not complaining. I found you for a reason I believe that is strong enough to keep us together. I'm sorry. You are wonderful, and I'll be damn sorry if I mess up. Please believe me. I am taking the first steps to be with you. They are hard, I will have to say. But I'm taking them, with confidence and hope.
I want to see you. I want to see you with my own eyes, and only mine. But to feel you is different. With that, I can be blind.
I guess having lost my entire sidebar will not work for me, but it's no reason either to start anew. =)
I am Jik. I believe in miracles, and I believe in hope. I am not prude nor old-fashioned even though I believe that Love is very real and that it governs the world. I am not selfish even though I may be materialistic. I am not weak even though I sometimes crumble down to my knees. I am not poor even though I have very little in my bank account. I try to embody what courage is all about and I try to do everything in spontaneity. I invest a whole lot of passion in anything I do, and I am and always will be a dreamer. I admire people who uphold their beliefs in life, as I try to do so myself. I always strive for the perfection of character, and make myself into the person I want to become. I seek for the greater scheme of things, the tapestry of how everything falls into an exquisite, sublime plan. And my greatest fortune is having found the secret of my life. This I intend to share with all of you someday.
Makulit. Malikot. Mababaw. I'm thumbelina, sweetie, choknat, bitch, bastard, bruhilda, gaga, bubwit, baby, hoebag, dumbass, jiffy, jikinini, jikydoodles, gicgic, jikulit, jikywiky, jikaru, jikers, jikee, jikijik, jikjik, jik, jixie, jikita, jikita banana, jikitita, jikaboo, or what have you. I'm the Jik you know and ever will know.