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Per Ardua Ad AstraHow can I speak, or even think of being strong when every waking moment is hard for me? Every day, it takes me so long to stand up because I am irresolute and my soul is down on its knees. How can I be faithful when I am not sure of the things I am supposed to be believing in? How can I have love in my heart when everything I had full grasp of is now a lot more than just an arm's reach? How can I even trust when I don't keep the faith? A certain throbbing ache punishes me every chance I find a reason not to smile. It hurts being pierced by my own mistakes, regrets, and doubt. I wish I could sing of faith as much as Charlotte Church can...
I wonder often what has happened to the driven person that I am. I often wonder what became of the passion I had for life and for every beautiful detail on God's green earth. I don't know where my high spirits go when memories of the past haunt me and give me a right there and then feel of a great slap on the face. I hate having these so-so manic-depressive attacks. It just kills every tittle and tincture of life left in me.
"You're so far away. Doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore? It would be so fine to see your face at my door. And it doesn't help to know, you're so far away. There are so many dreams I've yet to find.."
I guess having lost my entire sidebar will not work for me, but it's no reason either to start anew. =)
I am Jik. I believe in miracles, and I believe in hope. I am not prude nor old-fashioned even though I believe that Love is very real and that it governs the world. I am not selfish even though I may be materialistic. I am not weak even though I sometimes crumble down to my knees. I am not poor even though I have very little in my bank account. I try to embody what courage is all about and I try to do everything in spontaneity. I invest a whole lot of passion in anything I do, and I am and always will be a dreamer. I admire people who uphold their beliefs in life, as I try to do so myself. I always strive for the perfection of character, and make myself into the person I want to become. I seek for the greater scheme of things, the tapestry of how everything falls into an exquisite, sublime plan. And my greatest fortune is having found the secret of my life. This I intend to share with all of you someday.
Makulit. Malikot. Mababaw. I'm thumbelina, sweetie, choknat, bitch, bastard, bruhilda, gaga, bubwit, baby, hoebag, dumbass, jiffy, jikinini, jikydoodles, gicgic, jikulit, jikywiky, jikaru, jikers, jikee, jikijik, jikjik, jik, jixie, jikita, jikita banana, jikitita, jikaboo, or what have you. I'm the Jik you know and ever will know.