The past few weeks have been a lesson book for me. Two weeks of God's glorious sunshine has dawned upon me, and I am ver grateful for the times I knew of no darkness and for the times I knew of truth. I just didn't know that happiness could be so real. Cliche as it may sound, I don't really give a rat's ass. All I know, was that my two weeks were spent in uttermost splendor. In brilliance. In love. I will trade anything for a few more moments of extraordinary bliss. Of kisses I will long to feel again everytime he wind touches my face. I'm longing for the next time I get pulled by a miraculous force towards the one person I choose to know. Yes, I do think that our souls are connected that's why it hurts so much to separate. I am very, very thankful for those two weeks in beautiful peace.

School has never been more interesting. As I graze my way through my second semester, I've appreciated all my classes more and and more. It's saddening somewhat to have to let go of such wonderful classes. I've learned that our society is very much capitalistic. It saddens me that people sell them short for money; that people, including myself, sell my creativity for wage that won't even be enough to keep me living til I'm a hundred. It saddens me that people put so much value in appearance; that we are known for our possessions; that we have an identity as long as we are defined by our wealth. All of these are earthly and faulty and though it may be the hardest thing I will ever do, I still feel like I belong to most people. I do not want to be with the commonfolk. Straying from what's common seems so hard for everyone to do. However, I'm trying my best to be different in my own way; to break the barriers of conformity. I am trying to let go of all my vanity, my steady and eager grasp on my materialism. I'm trying to reach my soul. It's all the more saddening that what's common for man is what turns out to be normal. I wish people would try in their own ways to let their noumenal selves rule over their phenomenal selves. I pray only for hope that mankind would let the forms rule over the illusions, the good over the bad, the proletariat over the bourgeosie, belief in God over none belief in God. ... On a different note, reflecting on a film we watched in Ethics, people create stories in order to not only decieve others but also to decieve themselves. For sure, I've done this more than once. Creating stories to bend the truth is the same as telling a lie. That makes me think that all the lies I've told have made me an unjust person and that it is only when I do just things can I be called a just person. It's sucks being just because of all the sacrifice. But it is only when you are just that you gain happiness. ... Lastly, I've learned to appreciate my logical and critical thinking class. I've actually learned to apply it when in the car on the freeway. My mom keeps on saying take 405 South. Geez, we just came from there. I just smile whenever she says, "I'd get lost without you." True enough, she did last Sunday.

If there is one person I could meet at this moment, I would want to meet Mr. Jean-Paul Sartre. His existentialist theory is very interesting. "Existence preceeds essence." That's what he beliefs. Man is the only being that isn't anything except when he makes something of himself. Unlike a pair of scissors or books. The materials, the procedure were set to make them exist and serve a purpose. Man was put on earth not by God, Sartre says. He says that man has the power to create himself and it is only when he is in a scene and decides to be something is he truly essential. If Sartre was able to turn his life around from an unpopular kid to a very famous individual, then maybe we could change the way we are if we put ourselves in a different state of mind. I've always sucked at dancing. But it's only when I tried that I got my moves down. Today we had to add six counts to the last two counts of the B2K song we were dancing to and I was embarrassed like you guys don't even know. However, I told myself that I wouldn't really lose anything had I done my six counts. I did and I got some claps. Not bad for a first try, eh?

Dear Mr. Sartre, Why do claim that there is no God? I'd like to think that man does create himself, but with an authority to rule over him, that is, God. You said that everything is permissible without a God. If so, wouldn't people turn out to be unjust? Hmm... More thoughts on this later on.... (Truth is, my mom's here already to pick me up from school. Continuation later....)