I almost saw a beautiful memory.
I had some sort of gathering in my house that day. That, I was sure. I don't know if we took a trip, a vacation, or just had a "party" in my house. I don't know either what we were doing. All I know was that some of us were getting high. Some of us were telling stories and some of us were just lazing around. Some of us were in a small room. Some of us were sitting outside atop the gravel that's on the garden. You were one of them. How could you even sit there? It fucking hurts your ass, man. K, anyway. So my friends were telling me, "C'mon, go tell them to stay inside the house." So I went outside, being the warm hostess that I am, and asked you guys to go inside the house. So you did. We sat on the couch and talked for a while. You lay on my lap. I even joked, "Too low for you huh?" Then you laughed and motioned me to just slightly rest my head on your right shoulder. You placed your right hand on my left thigh. I felt... if not secretly happy inside, I felt relieved.
And I was glad.
At that exact moment, I didn't want anything to change. With that, I thought we revived what we used to have. I wanted to cling on to you, but that was my mistake the first time. I just wanted... bliss. The one we used to have. I shifted a little bit. I missed that, the way you first said I love you, with my whole name. I missed.. when you let me show off all I knew about this map in this one bookstore we used to go to. You called me smart. Hah, I'll never forget that. I missed... holding your hand as you play with my hair. And all those movies... Do you remember when you used to be amazed at my long green nails? Yeah, I remember that. I miss never having to kiss your lips. We never did and I guess there was a good reason behind that.
And I was glad.
There was a reason you never touched me. There was a reason you never decided to lay your lips on mine. Up til now, I'm still guessing. But I'm leaving it at that, and I'm thankful. After this, I wish to let go of all memories of you. Because I've no need for them now. After this, I will try to not think of you. You and my beautiful memory of you. I will let you go because I belong to someone else. I'm in love with someone else. But this experience was worth...And I was glad. That it was just a dream. This experience, this dream, was worth it so that then I could forget you. And I was glad. That I woke up.
at 9:53 AM
