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Per Ardua Ad AstraI had some sort of gathering in my house that day. That, I was sure. I don't know if we took a trip, a vacation, or just had a "party" in my house. I don't know either what we were doing. All I know was that some of us were getting high. Some of us were telling stories and some of us were just lazing around. Some of us were in a small room. Some of us were sitting outside atop the gravel that's on the garden. You were one of them. How could you even sit there? It fucking hurts your ass, man. K, anyway. So my friends were telling me, "C'mon, go tell them to stay inside the house." So I went outside, being the warm hostess that I am, and asked you guys to go inside the house. So you did. We sat on the couch and talked for a while. You lay on my lap. I even joked, "Too low for you huh?" Then you laughed and motioned me to just slightly rest my head on your right shoulder. You placed your right hand on my left thigh. I felt... if not secretly happy inside, I felt relieved.
And I was glad.
At that exact moment, I didn't want anything to change. With that, I thought we revived what we used to have. I wanted to cling on to you, but that was my mistake the first time. I just wanted... bliss. The one we used to have. I shifted a little bit. I missed that, the way you first said I love you, with my whole name. I missed.. when you let me show off all I knew about this map in this one bookstore we used to go to. You called me smart. Hah, I'll never forget that. I missed... holding your hand as you play with my hair. And all those movies... Do you remember when you used to be amazed at my long green nails? Yeah, I remember that. I miss never having to kiss your lips. We never did and I guess there was a good reason behind that.
And I was glad.
There was a reason you never touched me. There was a reason you never decided to lay your lips on mine. Up til now, I'm still guessing. But I'm leaving it at that, and I'm thankful. After this, I wish to let go of all memories of you. Because I've no need for them now. After this, I will try to not think of you. You and my beautiful memory of you. I will let you go because I belong to someone else. I'm in love with someone else. But this experience was worth...And I was glad. That it was just a dream. This experience, this dream, was worth it so that then I could forget you. And I was glad. That I woke up.
I guess having lost my entire sidebar will not work for me, but it's no reason either to start anew. =)
I am Jik. I believe in miracles, and I believe in hope. I am not prude nor old-fashioned even though I believe that Love is very real and that it governs the world. I am not selfish even though I may be materialistic. I am not weak even though I sometimes crumble down to my knees. I am not poor even though I have very little in my bank account. I try to embody what courage is all about and I try to do everything in spontaneity. I invest a whole lot of passion in anything I do, and I am and always will be a dreamer. I admire people who uphold their beliefs in life, as I try to do so myself. I always strive for the perfection of character, and make myself into the person I want to become. I seek for the greater scheme of things, the tapestry of how everything falls into an exquisite, sublime plan. And my greatest fortune is having found the secret of my life. This I intend to share with all of you someday.
Makulit. Malikot. Mababaw. I'm thumbelina, sweetie, choknat, bitch, bastard, bruhilda, gaga, bubwit, baby, hoebag, dumbass, jiffy, jikinini, jikydoodles, gicgic, jikulit, jikywiky, jikaru, jikers, jikee, jikijik, jikjik, jik, jixie, jikita, jikita banana, jikitita, jikaboo, or what have you. I'm the Jik you know and ever will know.