Mix Mix Super Mix Part 2
Thanks Ate Maylene, Rico, Clo. I needed that. I guess sometimes it doesn't take a whole lot of people to comfort you. Just some words from three people will do. And I'm thankful. ... I guess the thing that makes me fall down is just that, not having the familiarity and comfort I used to have. Those two things bring out the confidence in me, and now I can't even do that. There's too many things to be familiar with here, still. There's too many things I can't trust to put my comfort in. There's too many people that are hard to get along with. And I don't know what's with them that sometimes, they just seem so distant. *sigh* Do you guys know what keep me alive? Do you guys know what tell me inside "Go on, you can do it."? It's the dream. The dream of being able to go back home someday and finish some unfinished business. I guess a month and a half wasn't enough. If I were to go back home, I'd visit each and every one of you. I'd give 200% of my time and attention to you when I'm with you so I can relive that memory back in my head. I think dreams of the past haunt me. All my dreams happen in the Philippines. All my dreams are about you, my friends, my choir, my AAK family, my school. Everything. Sometimes it's easy to let go. But sometimes? IT'S NOT.
I think the distance from you guys is eating me up too late. It's almost a year since I've been here, but it's eating me up now. I'm feeling regret for all the apologies I should've given out. I'm feeling ... I don't know, I'm hesitating because I wish I spent more time getting to know you. 18 years is just not enough. And I hate it that some years of my life were taken away from me, to be in some place without the comfort of having you around. All I have are my dreams. Just like the other one that I wrote down. But whatever happens, I will always have you in my heart. Even those I've hurt. Even those I know vaguely remember me. Even those I've fought with and have secret remorse for. Even those... those who knew me at all.
at 10:16 AM
