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Per Ardua Ad AstraI'm stuck in a too beautiful moment. For almost two weeks now, I've been staying with Pao from San Francisco to Oregon and back. I met his family, his family's family's relatives. Man! I've never seen such a BIG clan. I even met the cousins of their second and third cousins. The thing that most caught me off guard was the feeling of being welcome. I never got that from anyone's family. Sometimes, not even my own. They accepted me as if I were one of them. They gave me hugs and kisses and threw me in the pool as they do to each other. We took pictures and ate together, laughed and drank. I met my boyfriend's brother's friends, and even they made me feel welcome. I learned that it was okay to let loose and have fun. It was okay to have a few vodkas and beers and it was okay to say no after having quit smoking for almost a year now. I learned it was great to sing karaoke with people I don't know, and I learned that cake was good anytime of the day. It felt nice going home again at who-knows-what time it is in the morning, and going home to Southpark on TV. It was nice having to cook our own adobo and our breakfast, ice creams with peanut butter chocolate, quesedillas, lumpia, bbq, turon, spaghetti, everything. It was nice staying in Oregon with Pao's family - - his mom, Kuya Hammed, his wife Ella, Kuya Nino, Gelo, Babee and Buga (the dog). It was nice having to shop without sales tax and actually talking about plans in the future. It felt good blowing out a cake on Pao's birthday, and sleeping with two men by my side who were too big that I kept on hitting my elbow and bruising it 'cause I was squished. It felt good visiting my boyfriend's school and meeting all his teachers, talking to his art teachers and planning about future art shows. It was amazing how I met so many titos and titas in a matter of minutes, and being introduced as his girlfriend just seemed... right.
I feel guilty because I don't even want to go back home. I don't want to go back to cold treatments, and unclear future-planning, no talking and silent no civil conversation environments. I don't want to call them or tell them about this amazing time I'm having. I'm selfish about this but somehow, I'm holding on more to this than anything else I ever had. ... I'm turning 19 tomorrow. And I hope everything becomes more beautiful from there.
I guess having lost my entire sidebar will not work for me, but it's no reason either to start anew. =)
I am Jik. I believe in miracles, and I believe in hope. I am not prude nor old-fashioned even though I believe that Love is very real and that it governs the world. I am not selfish even though I may be materialistic. I am not weak even though I sometimes crumble down to my knees. I am not poor even though I have very little in my bank account. I try to embody what courage is all about and I try to do everything in spontaneity. I invest a whole lot of passion in anything I do, and I am and always will be a dreamer. I admire people who uphold their beliefs in life, as I try to do so myself. I always strive for the perfection of character, and make myself into the person I want to become. I seek for the greater scheme of things, the tapestry of how everything falls into an exquisite, sublime plan. And my greatest fortune is having found the secret of my life. This I intend to share with all of you someday.
Makulit. Malikot. Mababaw. I'm thumbelina, sweetie, choknat, bitch, bastard, bruhilda, gaga, bubwit, baby, hoebag, dumbass, jiffy, jikinini, jikydoodles, gicgic, jikulit, jikywiky, jikaru, jikers, jikee, jikijik, jikjik, jik, jixie, jikita, jikita banana, jikitita, jikaboo, or what have you. I'm the Jik you know and ever will know.