A Year Has Gone
The year has ended, as with 2003, but not the memories that came with it. Starting a new year for me when I was younger meant being excited for... I don't know, whatever it was I was excited about. Growing up, I guess. But now, the new year rolling into the picture meant sadness for me as I realized some painful truths, and painful truths that I had to relay to the most important people in my life.
I realized that I get tired of a place that is too familiar. Ironically, I would never get tired of the memories and places and people and friends I left behind, and these are the most familiar things to me. It's funny, how the thought of being away only crept up on me after nearly two years. Can you imagine? I guess all this time I was denying that I don't miss what I left behind. But I terribly do.
I guess I will never get tired of the people I left behind basically because we're in two different worlds, where I just can't physically reach you just like that, and the unattainable for me has always been sweetest but most painful.
The new year is painful because of these realizations. My bestfriend is celebrating her birthday on January 4th, and I am angry at myself because I can't even be with her. I am angry that I chose to leave home and leave my parents. I am angry that I see people I despise everyday and I can't do anything about it. I am angry that I want to move to another state, but I just can't. I am angry because I want to quit my job but earn money but it's not like I can do that either. And most of all, I am angry because I am tired of this routine. I want to go the Philippines and see and be with the friends that I love. And most of all, I am angry because I feel old. And I am only 19. What's up with that?
"I ended up so when my courage could finally walk on its own, when I finally opened the door..." When will this be? *Shifting topics* Did anybody ever tell you that unrequited love is toughest out of all? ... Very, very true.
at 10:49 PM
