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Per Ardua Ad AstraGenerosity has never been something that I neglected to have. But there are some things that you can't always succumb to. I will give to the extent of my generosity, and I have given and shared so much of myself to others that there wasn't enough left inside for myself. And the biggest mistake of all is that I'm a victim of my own repetition compulsion, lingering in the familiar and embracing the feelings generated by them. The hardest part is trying to get out of the hole that I have been digging out of for all this time.
Sometimes all it takes is a no to end everything. A stop. An I don't want to take this anymore. But I always seem to end up falling out halfway through. I don't intend for things to be complicated. Melodramatic and lucid. Each day passes by being more vague as I try to analyze if I've improved from the day, week or year before when it came to this matter. It hurts to swallow the fact that I know within myself that I haven't moved an inch.
Please please please, God's angel, please rescue me today.
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It's funny what pictures tell us. I think I'm addicted to looking at my Friendster and My Space just to see all these pictures. But I tried to justify this new hobby with the thought that pictures tell stories of the life that surrounds other people. That they have had their share of laughter and pain and stupidity and love. And they have their own timelines of experiences they won't forget, and parties they went to and places they've been. It's calming to reflect about how enchanting other people's lives are by looking at their pictures that it might just be the thing to prevent me from going deeper into my sulking. Life is beautiful when memories are kept in still photographs, so that they can be remembered, and that whatever and whoever tries to rob them of these memories will be left defeated. Because once a moment is captured, it will envelope and radiate its story to all the eyes that wander toward its direction. So even if emotions like jealousy arouse from looking, all I have are my eyes to look, but no right to say anything otherwise.
I guess having lost my entire sidebar will not work for me, but it's no reason either to start anew. =)
I am Jik. I believe in miracles, and I believe in hope. I am not prude nor old-fashioned even though I believe that Love is very real and that it governs the world. I am not selfish even though I may be materialistic. I am not weak even though I sometimes crumble down to my knees. I am not poor even though I have very little in my bank account. I try to embody what courage is all about and I try to do everything in spontaneity. I invest a whole lot of passion in anything I do, and I am and always will be a dreamer. I admire people who uphold their beliefs in life, as I try to do so myself. I always strive for the perfection of character, and make myself into the person I want to become. I seek for the greater scheme of things, the tapestry of how everything falls into an exquisite, sublime plan. And my greatest fortune is having found the secret of my life. This I intend to share with all of you someday.
Makulit. Malikot. Mababaw. I'm thumbelina, sweetie, choknat, bitch, bastard, bruhilda, gaga, bubwit, baby, hoebag, dumbass, jiffy, jikinini, jikydoodles, gicgic, jikulit, jikywiky, jikaru, jikers, jikee, jikijik, jikjik, jik, jixie, jikita, jikita banana, jikitita, jikaboo, or what have you. I'm the Jik you know and ever will know.