1. It's nice starting the day with a mass. 2. It's also nice having a Filipino choir sing Tanging Yaman. 3. Incubus' Southern Girl is incredible. 4. Jon Peter Lewis of American Idol is hot. Well, his voice is. 5. Chatting with a good friend is a good pasttime. 6. I'm finally able to update my blog and put more pictures of my art. 7. Speaking of art, I'm starting to learn how to shade. Yey. Thanks baby. :) 8. It's amazing how there can always be one exception to the rule. One. 9. It's wonderful to be in love. 10. I will have to be at work in 20 minutes. 11. My boss wears a turban. I wonder how long his hair is. 12. School is great when your assignments are on time. 13. Playing Norah Jones is not so easy. 14. I miss Karate and Soccer. Choir and Partying. Clubbing and gimiks. 15. I want Japanese food. 16. I desperately feel like shopping. 17. But I'm actually saving. 18. It's pretty wearing a pink hawaiin shirt. 19. Sometimes it's good to let go. 20. It's liberating to just breathe.

I am appalled by your grave need to lie to me, to what, impress me? To make me admire you as what has now been the common notion of a gentleman? Is a gentleman he who plays, who has ten girls left and right, who can treat a lady amazingly just like another? Is that how bad it has become that your ideals have shifted to such image, and you felt the need for that quality to be incorporated in you that you had to lie? What is it about being yourself that makes it so hard for you? What is it that makes you want to stray from the most beautiful thing that could free you of all the doubt in the world? Was it so hard to be comfortable in your skin that you had to make up stories to be someone else? For your information, that someone else you presented to me was not the ideal guy I would have wanted to be with. That was not impressive at all. It was sick. It was a sick, conceited and arrogant joke, and it was insensitive and thoughtless, mentioning the least. I have no clue whatsoever about your being compelled to serve your self-interest. What are you now, Hobbes' living experiment?! I don't know where you're coming from in all of this. I do not know how you even thought of such act. Yeah, your intentions may not have been the worst of the worst, but they certainly trodded upon some people along the way. You think lying doesn't hurt anyone? Well, here's a thought: IT DOES! You actually think that admitting to your lies could've brought everything off of your chest? You think it was as easy as that? Well guess what. This isn't even half of the hell I'm willing to break loose. You made me lose my confidence in you. The person you presented me with wasn't someone I would've loved and stuck to, but I did. And here I am, speaking genuinely about you when all this time, you presented yourself only to "impress" me. Dear, my standards aren't low. Please do not think you have to go that far to win me over. You already have. Isn't that enough? It must have been hard living with all those lies huh? Now it gets even more difficult because I am left clueless as to which things to believe! I have no idea which things to signify, to appreciate, to hate, to love. I don't know! And you leave me in this state thinking that all will be good and all will be fine, and all will be back to normal and we're going to have a happy ending, bow? That's it!? Hell no!

I am very, very disappointed in your Macchiavellian perception of how you should get by in life. It doesn't work that way, honey. Well at least not with me. I want to envelope the truest relationship I can. And every relationship before this one has always ended in a failure. I am shedding no light on the possibility that I -- we, come out of this thing defeated. Not in a million years! I thought for a second to let you go. I thought of being available again, with spears and guns outside the gates and walls I built around myself. I thought of shutting you out, because just the thought that you considered lying to me and actually doing it pains me sharper than glass cutting through my skin. I gave you so many chances to tell me the whole truth, yet everytime, you say that there is nothing more. And then after a few days, another lie comes up. What am I, the keeper of your lies? Am I some storybook you will look back upon one day; something that absorbs it and takes it all in such as that inanimate object would do? Dear, I am far from being emotionless. Last night, you stabbed me with the most torturous of thoughts: that this relationship, despite its being THE relationship, is bound to crumble here and there, and that every step is not easier than the first. I should've thought of this before submitting to anything. I loved you for who you are. But who are you now?

It all boils down to one thing: that being far from you presents nothing but an unending chronological die-down crashing as if they were testing us each day. I am of no right to ask you to come forth with a ring. I am in no position to ask you to stay here with me. What then do we do? ...... Love, before deciding to live with me, please do a little soulsearching. Cos I will not be able to do it for you. And neither will you if your beliefs are in your lies.

I never learned such a wonderful thing as this: If you're available, then you live. If you're unavailable, then you play. And play, is NEVER real. Ever been in the situation where you meet someone and they leave before we want them to? And it causes us pain, a cigarette or two, or perhaps a whole pack, and some scotch or maybe if you're Pinoy, some San Mig, yeah? Well.. how come we feel cheated when they leave before we do? How come WE always want to be the ones to leave first? Now, here you are, in a bar somewhere in New York, or Bargo or Montego or Malate for that matter, and this woman (or man) walks in. From the first word uttered from that person's mouth, a simple hi, you knew that that person was not right for you. You knew because you intuitively knew. And so you talk, and get a conversation going and think to yourself... "What the hell? Maybe this IS the right person." But you already KNEW that that person wasn't the right one. And so with your misery tagging along, you walk out the bar into the cold night. When the double doors open, another woman (or man) walks in. And that person just seems to be the right one. But you didn't notice. Why? Because you were unavailable.. with the wrong person at that. And above all this, you knew.

What's the lesson to be learned here? Have the courage, patience and trust to WAIT. Because in your availability, the right person will come. And how will you know? You just will. Don't just speak of courage and patience and trust (as you might perceive I'm doing right now) but LIVE it. Live it and EMBODY it. And then you will have nothing to fear -- being alone, being lonely -- whatever it may be. You will have nothing to fear because you were courageous to wait -- you stood your ground in the face of your fears. And the reward? The person you then know is right. :)

Thanks for the great lecture, Dr. Hanson.

Grabe grabe grabe. Ang hirap magtrabaho! Ang sakit na ng katawan ko kakagalaw, kakalagay ng price sa mga tag ng mga binebenta. Nakakapagod magpainit ng tsaa para sa bosing kong bumbay. Lalong lalo na, nakakapagod pag binobola niya ko na ibibigay na daw niya yung pera ko na nung tatlong buwan pang nakaraan, eh kung pwede ko lang sabihin na, hoy, mister, shatap nga muna. Siyempre hindi ako umiimik pag napapagod na ako. Lunes, Miyerkules, Biyernes, at Linggo. Ayan. Siguro tig-apat na oras isa. Parang sandali lang noh? Ang tagaaaal tagal niyan pag yung trabaho niyo eh yung katulad nung akin. Buti nalang di ako nakaupo sa harap ng kompyuter magdamag at buti nalang hindi ako nakababad sa telepono kumakausap ng kung sinu-sino. Buti nalang yung ginagawa ko may exercise. Pero nakakapagod pa rin. Ay! Mas lalong lalo na pag nagpapasundo ka na sa nanay mo ng 4:30 ng hapon, at sinabi niya sa iyong "Anak maglibot ka muna diyan kasi mga isang oras pa kita masusundo." Ayan naman. Nakakapagod mag-bus galing sa bahay ko, at pabalik, so apat na sakay yon. At pinakamalala, wala akong barya! Hanep naman! Sa totoo lang, wala talaga akong pera! Eh yung checking account ko sa bangko eh namumulubi na. Kaya ang ginawa ko, naghukay ako sa bag ko ng barya! Alas! Meron akong nakitang mga benchingko. Ang pinakaimportante. Kapos na sana ako, pero buti nalang umabot. Sobra lang yung barya ko ng 4 cents. O diba. Tapos, dahil iba yung ruta ko pabalik, naglakad pa ako galing sa kanto papunta sa bahay namin. At yung mga kanto dito eh malalayo... Hay....

Kung hindi lang ba dahil sa pambuhay sa pamilya. (Anong pamilya, ang iyong tanong? Heh, sikret!) Ay oo, at saka baka sakaling makita ko mahal ko sa Balenmayns. Este, Valentines pala.