Riding the bus to and from school made me think of a lot of things after the first two weeks of classes. I've been taking 14 units, which makes me a full time student, and my classes have never been this fun. On Mondays and Wednesdays, I have my 2 psych classes, Developmental Psychology and General Psychology. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I start the day off with my Modern Dance class, followed by my Theatre Arts Oral Interpretation class, my Sociology class, then my Advanced Piano. Man, my Tuesdays and Thursdays are tiring. The Developmental Psychology class talks obviously about human development, from pre-conception to after death. General Psychology is the study of human behavior, an introductory class. Modern Dance is a modernized ballet class, with tunes from Sheryl Crow and Sarah McLachlan. The Oral Interpretation class is my favorite, because it's a class wherein you choose lyric poems and recite them in class in your own interpretation. You can sing, you can dance, act, or even "act with your voice". It's so much fun! Sociology is the scientific study of human society, quite a contrast to Psych where we study individuals. My last class is Music, Advanced Piano. We practice sight-reading and scales, and study a piece for the semester. I'm doing Claire De Lune by Debussy. During my free time, I go to the Music Labs to practice my piano, chat with my new friend Jocelyn (who's Filipina), hangout with my cousin Gi, chat with my other friend Deanne (who so looks like Melissa Joan Hart, yes, she's American) or play non-classical pieces with Craig (also from piano).

I was very much overwhelmed by the difference of our culture as compared to the Americans'. You know how high school flicks are portrayed, with nerds, Indians, cheerleaders, jocks, punks, girls with their stomachs out, guys smoking, etc. That's how it is in my school. It's weird though how they all don't have a care on what you wear, they just take things as they are. Two guys from my Psych class use PDAs to take down notes, with keyboards and chargers and everything. One girl was eating Ruffles during my other Psych class which was in an auditorium, and I just let my mind wonder if her munching was audible to the crowd. There were girls who knew about serotonin, chemical imbalances and depression. There were those who answered back to the teacher and commented on her wrong spelling of the word "categories". She spelled it as catagories, (and she's supposed to be a doctor). There were Marilyn Manson look-a-likes and those who used the couches in the library as a bed. They were snoring, too. And there were those who ate at the library when it strictly said no food or drink. That was me. Hahaha! :P The diversity was overwhelming, really, but that somehow completed the atmosphere of the American school.

Everytime I ride the bus, I learn a lot of things. I learned that saying hello to a grandma, or even to the bus driver could make them smile. I learned that wishing the person next to you a good weekend is very fulfilling. I also acquired a new sense of direction, and I used to be so bad at directions. Now I can go around riding the bus without clinging on to my bus book! While looking out the window, too, I was able to realize that going to the States wasn't so bad as the idea came to me the first time. It kind of deflated my happiness when I left. I left so many good friends, my barkada, my choir, my dad, my loved one(s). Hehe. I left so many things not even knowing what was in store for me here. But coming here, I don't regret it one bit. I could honestly say that this is the place where I have found the other halves to everything I ended up leaving. I wasn't able to study in Ateneo, but I was able to study in Fullerton Junior College. I left a ton of friends back home, but I made a few new ones. (I'm getting there.) I left a pretty hopeless country, (sad to say) and ended up in the superpower of the world. I guess making some sacrifices has benefits, too. I've learned to study more because I have less distractions, and trust me, studying was never part of my leisure time if you know what I mean. ;) I miss so many things though, that's undeniable. But going here also meant finding part of my life that I knew I wouldn't be able to experience when I was still in the Philippines. As my mom told me once: When you ask something from God, and He gives it, He's testing your faith. When you ask something from God, and He delays it, He's testing your patience. If you ask something from God, and He does not give it to you, He has something better in store.

Coming here really made me realize that, and if completing myself means living here, means adhering and adjusting to the different culture, then so be it. It's sometimes worth it to find your other halves. And when the pain of sacrificing ends, you can kick back, look back, and be proud of yourself. Thanks for encouraging me, Roi.:)

There's a series aired on FOX called the OC. I absolutely lluurrrveee the show. :)

The weekend has been one of the most memorable moments in my life, and all the happenings conspired to make it truly unforgettable. My relatives and I have been planning a camping trip for the past few weeks. With the summer about to end, we finally came through with the plan last Saturday til yesterday afternoon. We were originally planning on going to Lake Cachuma, one of the more known camping sites here. Riding in 4 separate cars, we convoyed to the place, hoping we don't lose each other on the freeway as we darted to the road at 5 in the morning. It was a good 90 miles away. Riding in the Toyota Tacoma, Kuya Alee, Ate Lala, Patti and Monjit suddenly changed routes, so we all exited and stopped by a gas station to wait for them. For some reason, Tito Mon and Tita Boots detoured and went another direction. I realized we weren't going to Lake Cachuma then. When we reached Oxnard City, there were a whole bunch of camping sites by the beaches, but most of them were already full. I guess everyone else had the same idea. So, stopping by one of the campsites, we went down and had lunch. Surprisingly, this campsite was not full yet. My cousins and I loved the water so much that we decided to take a swim. Changing into our swimsuits, we went to the water. One word. Freezing. It was freezing like heck!!! The sun was hot and the breeze was just right but the water was freezing!! Oh and one significant thing happened when I stepped into the water. I was wearing my red slippers because there were a lot of stones by the shore. Then, a great big whoosh came and got my other red slipper! Ack! Now I only have one. :( Oh well, I guess I'd just have to buy new ones. Hehe. I hated the water for literally savoring my slippers, but maybe it had that fetish anyway. :) I placed my towel by the beach and lay down on my stomach for a while. I wanted to get as dark as possible. Hehe. Don't ask me why, I just do. After a few minutes, my mom was waking me up and telling me that it was time to eat lunch. I was asleep for so long that I was already drooling! Joke lang. :) My vision was so blurry too. So I stood up and rinsed myself with the shower, put a towel over my now sunburnt back and sat on the mat to eat. We had shrimp and kilawin for lunch! Yum!!

While we were eating, Kuya Alee went back to McGrath, a camping site we checked but was already full. Luckily, I have no idea how, he got us a spot in the camp. I think they were a bit grumpy that we didn't get in, so he really went there and waited for a spot. McGrath was in Ventura City, a good 25 minutes from Oxnard. We were so happy that we got a spot because the camping site was really authentic. The trees were low and cut exactly for tents to be placed under them. Just imagine mangroves, but higher, with enough space at the bottom for tents. That was how it looked like. I think they had about a hundred spots, too, each equipped with its charcoal-this-is-where-you-cook thingies. Heck, what are they called anyway? Hehe. When we got there, three tents were already set, and the only ones left were ours and the Obieta's. The first tent was occupied by the Lees, which included Tito Mon, Tita Boots, Patti and Monjit. The second tent was Kuya Alee and Ate Lala's (they're married). The third tent was Tita Susan's (no one wanted to share a tent with her). The fourth one was ours (Mommy, Kuya and Me), and the last one was the Obieta's (Tito Philip, Tita Jeannie, Gi, KatKat, Ading Puding and BapBap). Geez we have a BIG family, and that's just 1/9 of the children of my Lola. My mom, Tita Boots and Tito Philip are all siblings.

After setting up the tents, and the Obieta's were SO big too, like a bowling alley. All of us could've fit in there. We went to find the beach afterwards, because we didn't get much beach time when we ate lunch. Not understanding the maps and trusting our very poor instincts, we crossed some murky water, even sort of tight-roped upon this pole which leads to the other side of the road where supposed nature trail was. It was supposed to lead us to the beach, as our instincts told us, but we instead ended up getting to some more murky river water and just a few meters away was the freeway. The sound of the cars passing by was so audible that we figured out that the beach could NOT be towards that direction. Going back our little nature trip, crossing the fetid and probably oil and seaweed-infected water, and feeling it actually go into my sneakers, we decided to head another direction and just ask someone else who's actually been to the beach. Finally getting the directions, we found the "No Dogs Allowed" sign. They said that over that were the sand dunes, and then the beach. Little did I know that there was sooooo much sand.

It takes forever to get to the beach because of the sand that kind of weighs you down and slows down your pace. Finally, after getting there, we saw the marvelous waters. Oh, and don't forget freezing.

My cousin Gi and I went into the water and realized how the water was still shallow even though you were a few feet from the sand already. However, the current was strong, and lifeguards were standing by. My cousin Monjit and my brother were building "Monjit Fort" and my three little kiddie cousins were building their own sandcastles. It was fascinating. After getting an ample amount of sand in some parts of the body we couldn't really "touch" outside the water (does it have to do with being Filipino?), we finally went to get dressed and walked back to the campsite. Upon arriving and feeling the sunburn all over my body, we went to the bathroom to rinse off and take a bath.

Whatdapakingshiyet. No hot water. Ang galing talaga ng mga kano eh noh. 25 cents for 2 minutes of hot water!!! Argh. I put in a dollar I think. Kakagaling ko na nga sa malamig tapos malamig na naman. Peperahan pa ko. After taking a bath and having to wear my rubbershoes (I dried my feet, okay), we went back to the campsite and ate dinner. We had some mangga, itlog na maalat, kamatis and sibuyas, with adobo and the rest of the kilawin, with pickled jalapenos and carrots. I mean, was that a great dinner or what!?! After eating, my cousins and I went to the townhouse (aka the big tent) and played Guesstures. Guesstures is an evolved game of Charades. There are 4 cards with two words on it. The green cards have words you can act that have 1 or 3 points each. A total of four cards, especially getting the more difficult ones, will make the team win. You know the "ready-action" thing that camera men use? That's where the cards are put, and if the team members don't guess it right away, the cards will fall. Those wouldn't count as points. You have to pull them out quickly (uy!) in order to collect the cards and have higher points. Another set of cards have words which score 2 or 4 points. This is done during the second round. At the end, the team with the most points win. Stealing answers are not credited. We started off by pairing off and dividing into two teams. We had the winners' team which included Ate Lala, BapBap, Gi, Monjit and myself. The losers' team consisted of Kuya Alee, Kuya, Patti, KatKat and AdingPuding. The words we needed to act were so amusing. There were words like gangster, balance, pry, lift, huge, and my two favorites were the tie-breakers: clumsy and lizard. In the end, the loser's team won. That just really sucked!!

We had some hotdogs after that, and some spicy beef jerky. Come 11:30, we called it a night. My cousins just brushed their teeth using the faucet nearby, but my cousin and I needed to use the comfort room. We were walking in the still of the night, shining the flashlight on little rabbits and squirrels wandering about. After going to the bathroom, there was a hand slowly creeping from the back of the wall that leads to the bathroom, visible to anyone who would go out the bathroom. It was so freaky that I screamed !#$@#%!!! Yung kapatid ko talaga BUSET!!!!! They were laughing like crazy 'cause they knew how much of a scaredycat I am. Going back to the site, I was talking to Ate Lala, when suddenly, someone jumped out of the bushes!! Kuya Alee was trying to scare me. Syempre gumana na naman ang maganda nilang planong takutin ako. Kakainis. After all that, we finally got to bed. Man, underneath the tent, it was so hard! Blech.

I had set my phone on alarm at 4 in the morning because I promised Roi that I was going to call the choir Sunday night in Pi. It so sucked 'cause me phone had only 1 bar left, and so did my mom's. I didn't know where the phonecard was, and I wasn't sure if I was going to get up. Finally, upon hearing the alarm n number of times, I got up, freshened up, and went to the car. It took me so long to get connected because the signal was so bad! The conversation would be cut off either when my choir members' cellphones have no batt too, or that the connection was bad. I experienced a combination of both and that totally got on my nerves. I got to spend a good $7 too. It was worth it, though. I got to talk to (let me remember if I have in the right order), Roi, Kuya Cook, Ate Malou, Bam, Anna, Me-an, Ruby, JP, Jonar, Alex, Roi. (I feel like I'm missing out someone.) Okay that was probably not the right order but that was somewhat how it went. It was so nice talking to them again. It turned out that it was Ate Malou's birthday, too. I felt so at home hearing their laughter, hearing the usual hirits, telling them they missed me. *sigh* That was just the perfect way to start the day.

I had some coffee afterwards, and the others soon came to join me for breakfast. We ate scrambled eggs, corned beef, adobo and smokeys. Mmm yum! After breakfast, we all headed on to the beach. I told them that I wanted to get some pictures even though I only had 3 shots to sparhe e, so instead, I used the digicam. Here are the pics:

One significant thing that happened on our last day was this: Tito Mon was frolicking in the waters with Kuya Alee and the kids. The water being too cold, he decided to rest. All of a sudden, he tells Tita Boots that he couldn't breathe. They called the lifeguard and and they came at once riding their SUV. The two lifeguards contacted the paramedics, and were deciding if they should give him CPR. They didn't because he was still breathing. He was shaking really strong, though. It was so scary. They took his blood pressure, and phoned some other supposed significant people. We stood there and watched while even the lifeguard panicked upon administering first aid. They assured as that he'd by fine. I was silently praying.

After Tito Mon was taken to the hospital, we all went back to our camping site and took a bath. It felt the wrong time to take pictures too even though I was dying to take pictures. There was much silence and tension in the atmosphere. We packed our things and disassembled our tents. After loading them in the car, we were ready to leave and get to the hospital. When we got there, we waited patiently until he came out ... okay. He was okay. He came to hug and greet each of us. We went to McDonalds too and decided to eat lunch there and "celebrate". It was funny how we recalled the whole thing. We recalled how Tita Boots was crying, and how Gi came to cry because Tita Boots was crying. We recalled how the lifeguard panicked upon deciding to give him CPR and putting on the oxygen mask. We remembered how in a matter of a few minutes, the paramedics were there. We remembered Tito Mon's shaking and how he was so red. He remembered being asked, "Sir, could you please open your eyes." And in in his mind he said, "Paano ko to bubuksan eh ang lakas ng araw!!" We were also laughing at the thought that the lifeguard put the sphygmomanometer incorrectly since he was pancking too! We recalled how it terrifying, but we were all glad and relieved that he's fine. As we left McGrath, I look at the picture that will always remind me of his hypothermea:

After all that thrill and terror, I decided to take some pictures from inside the car:

Here are pictures of the family:

The weekend was both fun, and painful. Exciting, and a learning lesson. It was literally surviving McGrath.

What makes this time different I guess is changing a bit of my perspective on things. I always had a fighter in me, or at least I try to convince myself that I do. But in the long run, one of the many recurring mistakes I've made is avoiding and leaving. I hate realizing the things I lack, need to improve on, my mistakes, my regrets or anything I've done wrong for that matter. I hate realizing them because I feel like quitting and nothing else. John Pham, a very interesting individual and one of the best mentors I've had, taught me the winner and loser mentality. The winner stays and does everything he could to achieve his goals. The loser quits when he is down. It's not even right that I blame the world for my failures because that is nothing but wrong. Always start with the self. Now I look with disgust at the times I started blaming everyone and everything else for my failures. I was so wrong to have pointed my finger at so many people or so many things, instead of taking that speck of dust out of my own eye. Its very rewarding to look first into yourself and then build your outlook on life from there. I've always seen myself as an optimist, but the very rare times I'm very pessimistic? These times cause my fall. I become so lazy also when pulling myself back up. I become very dependent. For a change, I'm glad that I'm realizing these things now. I guess there was some truth to the cliche of "how you become more mature when you're 18". I always believed that people just stress this for lack of better things to say on a debut. How could I even have doubted the wisdom of the more responsible and more mature individuals who have told me this a million and one times? -- The few days I've taken to clear some scum off my mind has really helped me in realizing that avoiding and leaving is the losers' way out.

Now, I'm trying to start my life here with a smile on my face. After reading just a few pages of another great mentor, Xuan Nguyen, I realized that one of the best ways to live life is with a smile on the face. I guess I was too busy passing time moping around or making myself sad by not being productive during the day. Again, it hit me like a ton of bricks. -- To you, dearest, I'm sorry. You do not bash me. Please keep that in mind. I was too angry to listen. I was too confused to understand. Your words are a treasure, please know that. Thank you also for not expecting anything from me from now on. And thank you, for the trust. We're getting there. We're getting there. -- From now on, I am focusing on avoiding and learning. I am constantly telling myself to avoid the mistakes I make being the Jik that I am. This time, moreover, I promise to learn from them. I was and still am very hard-headed. But I'm really, really making it a point to discard my system of some earthly flaws. Truthfully, it feels good learning from mistakes. Every day now, I'm finding a reason to smile. -- Baby, thank you for praying for this. Thank you for being there. :*

The other day, attending the meeting of this business company I've signed up for, John Pham shared with us something that I would want to share with all of you: Imagine you have a bank account wherein everyday, the bank puts in $86,400. Everyday! You can do anything with your money because you have FULL access to it. The catch, however, is that what is left of it during the day will NOT be carried on nor saved the next day. Everything will reset to $0 by midnight. So what do you do? You spend to the very last cent right? ... Didn't all of you know that we have that kind of bank? It's called TIME. Everyday, we are given 86,400 seconds. Yet, we do not always make the most of our time. We sometimes laze around, procrastinate, postpone things for the next day. But every second wasted is not carried on to the next day. The record of everything that transpired today is erased by midnight. So spend every second as if it were your last. There's no such thing as being busy, it's just a matter of making time for everything you need to accomplish. Wouldn't you want to spend each second wisely? -- I'm glad that I took time off to figure and straighten some things out. I'm seeing everything through now with a positive attitude and a smile on my face. It was definitely worth my time figuring those things out. More importantly, I now have a better idea of how to spend my days.

I'm starting school on monday, guys. That means responsibilty, time, effort, hardwork. I'm still planning on updating my blog. And I am still planning to contact each one of you as I go on. I am planning to work, attend meetings, meet new people, study, go to mass, and everything else like taking a bath. Most of all, I am planning to FOCUS and put my HEART into whatever I'm doing. I remember my Sensei Chino and Sensei Ricky and how they taught me more ways than one. There were times when I feel like quitting, or complain when I cannot make my game strong in Karate. There are times when my efforts just can't get me to the top as much as I want them to. All they said once was all I needed to hear. "Jik, kulang lang sa puso." -- Hay. If there's a will, there's a way. Not very cliche now, is it? :)

PS: Rico, Jewel, Dimps and Allen: Nagvvid-ok yung mga kapitbahay ko. Miss ko na kayo!!!

Yes, I wish I could stay, but I've nothing, NOTHING, left in me to stay everyday and try to strike up a conversation with you. Why? We just end up fighting. I can't take it anymore. My heart can't take it anymore, and neither can my mind. Maybe there are a lot of things I don't understand yet. And being the most proud person that I am, it's hard for me to swallow everything you teach me. Every time you feed me something new as a slap in the face, I feel like such an idiot because these are things that I am already supposed to know. I hate the way we always fight because they just drain the life off of me. I hate the way I can't express as much about this as you can to your friends. I hate the way I'm not good enough, even to tear down the mold we had and form into the new one it's supposed to be. I would very much like to get away, but I always come back to you. What can I do? I am needy. That's how I am. I am earthly. That's how I am. Thanks again for pointing that out. Why do you twist my words around? To make a fool out of me? Why do you so eagerly bang my head against the wall? To make others see how much of a bad person I am? PUTA! Alam ko na nga lahat yon diba? Bakit mo pa kasi dinidiin! Ang sakit na nga nung ginawa ko alam ko. Nagsorry ako diba? Pero pucha. Kelan ba titigil yung mga pagsosorry ko? -- Here I am, trying to reach out to you. That's the kind of person I am. Alam ko mali yung ginawa ko sa iyo, please don't rub in in my face. Alam ko sinaktan kita, please don't make it more obvious to me. Alam ko ayaw mo marining yung boses ko. Sana sana sana hindi rin ganito kasakit yung balik sa kin nung ginawa ko sa iyo. I know we are both hurting. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit pati ako. Dapat nga masaya ako diba? Pero hindi. Every chance I get to talk with you, I feel empty. Yes, that is how you make me feel. I feel like the lamest son of a bitch when I'm talking to you. Alam mo ba yon?! I've tried so hard to understand. I've tried so hard to listen. I've tried so hard to tell others of how I feel about this whole thing, but I simply can't. Pero sabi mo nga, it's trying TOO hard that gets in the way. Tama ka na naman, partner. Naiinis ako how you can just tell them so easily about what I did tapos ako I can't tell anyone kasi nasasaktan ako lalo. I have a clearer picture of what I did to you and that's what riles me up more. Naiinis ako the way you're patient with me even though I feel like we're already shouting at each other when we have our little chats. I feel like jumping off a cliff when we talk because I just want to die right there and then when we do. That is not exaggerating either. That's literally how I feel because my heart and mind have both given up already. Sobra na sa mingaw na hindi ko na kaya. I hate the way I can't let it out, na ngayon ko lang nasasabi to. Ngayon lang, at ngayon pa. Ano ba naman yan. -- So you want me to trust you? You want me to let go? Para naman kasi ang dali dali non. Pero sige. Oo na, para na sa iyo. Moreover and more importantly, para sa akin. Sabi mo, iwan ko muna lahat. Eto, iniiwan ko muna lahat. -- Pagdasal mo ko please? Salamat sa sinabi mo nung huli. Oo ... sige. I'll try to keep myself afloat. And yes, I trust that we resolve matters in their own time and in the right time.

I won't be blogging much this week. I just think I need to get away from it all. Oo from you. Oo, ikaw din. I'll see you all when I do. Hopefully I'm still sane and stronger by that time. Sognamo un mondo senza piu violenza.

Angelica, your most positive energy is flowing from your Sixth Chakra.

Whether they're allowing positive energy to flow or preventing it from doing so, all seven of your body's chakras contribute to how you are feeling on a day-to-day basis. When they're balanced, you feel energized and at the top of your game. When they're unbalanced, you may feel tired or 'off'.

Nuninuninu....

PS: Happy anniversary to my mom and dad! :P

That previous entry full of whining? Ack. I just found all my answers today. And i feel great. I don't just feel good. I feel great. The difference is in the attitude! Weee I'm glad to be alive! :)

Go get the book, everyone. You're in for a treat. I better stop quoting Paulo Coelho now. :)

Bakit kinikilig ako sa picture na to? Lalang...

Lord, tulong....

How can I speak, or even think of being strong when every waking moment is hard for me? Every day, it takes me so long to stand up because I am irresolute and my soul is down on its knees. How can I be faithful when I am not sure of the things I am supposed to be believing in? How can I have love in my heart when everything I had full grasp of is now a lot more than just an arm's reach? How can I even trust when I don't keep the faith? A certain throbbing ache punishes me every chance I find a reason not to smile. It hurts being pierced by my own mistakes, regrets, and doubt. I wish I could sing of faith as much as Charlotte Church can...

I wonder often what has happened to the driven person that I am. I often wonder what became of the passion I had for life and for every beautiful detail on God's green earth. I don't know where my high spirits go when memories of the past haunt me and give me a right there and then feel of a great slap on the face. I hate having these so-so manic-depressive attacks. It just kills every tittle and tincture of life left in me.

"You're so far away. Doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore? It would be so fine to see your face at my door. And it doesn't help to know, you're so far away. There are so many dreams I've yet to find.."

Pictures speak a thousand words, don't you think? I'd deeply appreciate it if you took time to view my pictures page. It's another part of my blog which I isolated so you could view them separately. Nostagia really does kick in sometimes.

Click here!

Scavenging and Its Effects on an Entomophobe: Waking up at 2:30 today from a great dream, I was moving slower than I usually do upon getting up. It was the right timing, too, because my brother just found his way to the bathroom to take a bath. This meant an advantage in using the computer. While my brother was dispensing (bastos ang nasa tumatanggap :P) in the bathroom, I crawled lazily unto the computer chair and went online. A little after I did, my brother was ready to go pick my mom up from work. He told me, "Oh, hindi ka ba maghahanda? Pupunta si Paolo ng 4 o'clock." I then murmured a "Oo nga ano..", disconnected after a exchanging a few hi's and hello's with some people in YM, and went to the bathroom to get ready. Paolo is my mom's friend's son. He's probably a year younger than my brother. He was arranging this movie-dinner gimik with my brother and I. So, not wanting to look sloppy, I took a bath even though I didn't really feel like it yet. (Hehe, Jewel..) After picking out what to wear, I took out my Prestos and put them on the floor. Suddenly, an army of ants was attacking me! (Leche, ants and I really don't get along!) I looked carefully at the rug and saw a looong trail of ants from under the dinner table to the wall. I panicked and said, "Anak ng !#$%$@%" and got the cockroach and ant killer spray. I sprayed like mad because I really don't have a soft spot in my heart for them. And, mind you, this was what I learned:

Ants feed on anything sweet, any piece of food that magically jumps from the table to the floor, and any dead insect. I was a first-hand witness to the last mentioned in the ants' list of unfortunate main courses. Under the table was a termite/cricket-looking insect, its wings about a few inches from it, also being feasted upon by the hungry ants. I just don't understand what's so palatable about termite/cricket-looking insects! Scavenging is one thing that makes my head turn in disgust. And, being the entomophobe that I am, I couldn't care less if the ants died because of the insect repellant. In fact, I was extremely elated! And so, after killing the ants, sweeping them off the carpet, and reminding myself to wear my glasses because not wearing them made the ants harder to see, I went to google to search the difference between predation and parasitism. I don't know why, but these two terms suddenly popped out of my head. Predation is the capturing of prey by the predator as a means of sustaining life. Parasitism is when an organism feeds or lives by thriving inside or living outside another organism and benefits from the host's body, like a tapeworm lives inside a human body or a tick that sucks blood from a human. My true quest however, was not finding out again what predation and parasitism were. It was determining the true meaning of scavenging. Scavenging is searching for and feeding on decaying matter. At last! Knowing this and its relation to me, an entomophobe, I felt much better. Don't ask me why, I just did.

Meow: We were wondering if Paolo was okay because it was already dinner time and he still hadn't arrived. Another thing got my attention though. I'll let the pictures do the talking.

Senti Trip: While waiting, I decided to clean up, a long overdue chore. As I was fixing my things today, because Paolo and his friend were dropping by instead of taking us out to a movie, I came upon my box of memories. In it are pictures, art materials, scrapbooks, papers, tissue, memento, everything. Then I found something that I was supposed to have read the moment I set foot in this apartment. However, it was not 'til today that I got myself to do so. I opened this jar (which I made) that Jonar returned to me, with a letter and some sand inside to fill up the space. In it was a letter that made me teary-eyed. An excerpt (or more so the bulk of the letter): "...One of the things I'm going to miss when you leave is the way you called me "Schoolmate". Actually, I was down at that time you started calling me that -- I had just received news that I would not be graduating and was bitter at the fact that I'd be spending another freaking year in college when I should have been helping out my dad or rallying and writing activist tracts full-time -- and the prospect of spending a schoolyear with you around made the idea more palatable, if not appealing. At least I'd still have someone to hang out with after my friends have graduated. Of course, we were talking about things only Katipunan denizens would have understood, like hanging out at Encomium (which has since closed), or jogging at Moro (which I have yet to do this year). And then again, you saw a part of me not appreciated by others: my writing personality. Sure, there was Rico, and Anna, and Roi, but you were the first to see throught the exterior I put up. And I thank you for that, because in a way, you revived my sagging spirits. The one thing I've learned from my stay in Ateneo is this: a person is like a vast ocean. As much as we try hard to determine its boundaries with nets, the water will just surge on and on. As much as we try to confine a person to our concept of what he/she is, there is always part of him/her that will escape our grasp. Therefore, we should accept a person for the ocean he/she is. The depth, the breadth, the life and all the possibilities hiding in the waters. But I guess you didn't really need to go to Ateneo. You already knew all that matters..." And the piece he wrote after the Batangas trip: (It's in Rico's blog, too.)
Sand Poem #1 This is the stuff sea-castles are made of: sand, white and fine, fragile as the next breaking of the waves. We who build, break down; and willingly destroy an hour's worth of toil under an unforgiving sun, and leave things as they are as we search for farther, unconquered shores where waves break hard all the more. For it is there, we are told, where sand forms: the interface of sea and shore, the rendezvous of coral and coast. Where waves break, stone is broken down, washed into the open sea, smashed on distant, sun-baked coasts, and carried back to where it came from. Only this time, in a form whiter and finer than before. No wonder, then, that we walk to the far end of the shore to gather in plastic pails sandy souvenirs of a summer's sojourn. In the seacoast, perhaps, we are all born, like the sand washed out of stone, where waves break against the shore, whiter and finer we are transformed.

Wasn't that just beautiful? -- After reading his letter, I realized that I haven't listened to the cds that JP burned for me on behalf of the choir. I was so happy to hear all the songs!!! Ang ganda lahat!! Pati yung "Ispageting pababa, pababa nang pababa. Ispageting pataas, pataas nang pataas. Ispageting pababa at pataas!" Man, that one just cracked me up! Here are the songs that made me laugh, made me smile, and made me cry: Disc 1 1. The Beautiful Ones by Suede (isang awiting na bagay sa mga "Gorgeous Babes") 2. Wish You Were Here by Incubus (ang title ng kantong ito ay ang hangad namin) 3. Crash and Burn by Savage Garden (isang awiting nagpapatunay na kaming mga kaibigan mo ay laging dadamy sa iyo) 4. So Little Time by Arkarna (ang chorus nito ay ang nais pa sana namin) 5. Ispageti by Sexbomb Dancers (para lagi mong maalala ang kalokohan ng mga "Matrix Dancers") 6. Close by Paolo Santos (isang awitin ng pagkakaibigian... na walang makakahadlang kahit layo pa) 7. I Say A Little Prayer from the OST of My Best Friend's Wedding (lagi naming gagawin ang title ng kantang ito para sa iyo) 8. Pretty Woman (at isa na namang kantang "Gorgeous Babes") 9. At Your Side by The Corrs (pakinggan mabuti ang lyrics) 10. Thank You by Dido (ang title ng kantang ito ay alay sa iyo sa ilang oras na ibinibigay mo para sa koro) 11. Lean On Me by Bill Withers (isa na namang awiting pagkakaibigan... pero nababagay pa rin sa ating samahan) 12. Get Here by Oleta Adams (nais namin lalo na kung wala kaming piyanista) 13. The Prayer by Charlotte Church and Josh Groban (isang awit namin para sa iyo) -> I'm putting this on my sidebar 14. So Far Away by Carole King (napakalungkot na awitin pero sadyang totoo ang sinasabi ng mga unang parte ng lyrics) -> the flute played on this song reminded me so much of my baby :( 15. Goodbye Girl by David Gates (bagay sa iyo ang title... pero mas matindi ang chorus nito) 16. I Don't Want You To Go by LaToya Jackson (ang title nito ay isa pang nais namin... pero hindi talaga puwede) -> matagal ko nang hinahanap yung kantang to 17. You've Got A Friend In Me by Randy Newman (isang "unknown" na awitin ngunit para sa atin ito) 18. I'll Be There by Mariah Carey (isang awit ng pagkakaibigan... medyo gasgas na pero tunay ang nilalaman nito) -> Consult my sidebar 19. Never Too Far by Mariah Carey (awit ng pagaalaala... ang title ay para sa iyo) -> Asa isang blog entry ko to :)

I would've posted the songs on Disc 2 and on the Bonus CD, but AOL is all fucked up, so I'm having a hard time looking for the song titles and their respective artists. -- The reason why I put these here are because they really put me in a sentimental mood, especially songs 11 through 19. I also remembered that I haven't listened to the cassette tape that the choir has recorded for me. My player was malfunctioning before I went here, so I didn't bring it, hoping that it could be fixed and just be included in the box going to be sent here. -- Listening to the songs, I missed the choir so much...

Still, waiting for Paolo, I decided to put my debut pictures in the album I bought at target. I didn't get to finish it though because the leaves weren't enough to hold all my pictures. I'd have to get some refills for the album, plus, I'm planning to have some pictures from the proofs be developed when I go back to Pi. Also, I put my other pictures in another album, and put captions beside each of them. Doon ako nalungkot..

In Conclusion: Finally, after 10 thousand years, Paolo arrived with his friend Ryan. They're both Filipinos, too. They just dropped by to give us a pie, gave me a stuffed toy (Geez, I wonder why.. :|) and to apologize for not coming earlier. They got lost, and just decided to drop by. They invited us to Disneyland on Ryan's birthday. Anak ng tupang kinalbo. Nagbihis pa ako hindi naman pala natuloy.

Upon going online, I decided to check my mail. Hehe, yes, I don't do this everyday, for those who email me at yahoo. I received two emails, one from my very good buddy Kath and another sweetie, Mama Bee. Hay girlfriends... Nakakamiss kayo.. Mama Kath, wala lang natuwa at nalungkot ako sa email mo. I was just telling Roi how much I missed everything you used to do with me: the way you call him "dear tutor" (which he remembers so well), the way you go up my stairs noisily by dragging your feet, the way you call my dad "tito papa", the way you go to my house and eat whatever you want, the way I sniff you.. etc etc. Pucha, nakakamiss. And Mama Bee, I've been trying to get myself to reply, which I most probably will do (but if not, I had every intention to) after updating my blog. However, gusto ko lang sabihin na miss na kita at yung nasa email mo? Hope we could talk soon about it. I miss you, gurl!

A very interesting day for me. Filled with surprises, and sentiments revived just because of some pictures and some songs. Kelan kaya ako makakabalik ng Pilipinas?....

Ano nga ulit yung tagalog ng orange na kulay na nagsisimula sa letrang K?! Nababagabag ako eh kasi hindi ko maalala. Ang alam ko lang, para sa mga taga Miriam, seksiyon yun nung Grade 5! Hehe.

Sa mga hindi pa nakakaalam... si Grimace ay yung batchoy na kulay ube na mascot ng McDo. Ano ba siya? At ano ba ang papel niya sa buhay ni Ronald? Sabi sa website ng McDo, eto daw si Grimace: "Grimace is a big, loving, fuzzy purple fellow who is Ronald McDonald's best friend. He's sure Ronald is the world's ultimate authority on everything. While Grimace loves all McDonald's foods, he's absolutely crazy about milkshakes. Grimace is very enthusiastic and eager to try new things. His joyous spirit helps everyone overlook the fact he's a little slow and clumsy sometimes." Ows? Eh ano naman ngayon?!? Actually, si Grimace ay kontrabida na may anim na kamay na nagnenenok ng milkshakes. Ika nga sa isang website: "Between Hamburglar (who stole burgers), the Fry kids (who stole fries), and Grimace, crime was running rampant in the 'McHood.'" O di ba... napakagandang ehemplo sa mga kabataan??? Pero ang pinakamagandang mga teorya ay galing (kanino pa?) kundi sa mga Pilipino: unang teorya: Si Grimace ay isang ube mascot. Ung McDo marahil ay may ice cream o shakes na ube ang flavor. pangalawa: Si Grimace ay bastardong anak ni Tinky Winky ng Teletubbies (na natsitsismis na bakla) at isang eggplant. pangatlo: Siya ay violet na krayola na iniwan ng mga bata (sa playground ng McDo) sa araw para matunaw. pang-apat: Grape-flavored drink daw si Grimace... kaya lang maasim yung drink kaya nagmukhang grimace sila... kaya siya tinawag na Grimace! panlima: Siya daw ang pinaka-suwangit na mascot ng McDo, kaya siya pinasuot ng costume - purple na costume daw ito na napaka-bigat na hindi na matanggal! Hehe! pang-anim: Si Grimace ay lahat ng pagkain sa McDo na hinalo sa blender.... pampito: Siya ay isang milkshake. Period. pangwalo: In-introduce daw ng McDo ang kamote french fries sa Pinas ng pumunta daw sila dito. Kaya daw may mascot na Grimace. Isa siyang kamote. pangsiyam: Kakambal pala siya ni Ronald McDonald, kaya lang, retarded daw si Grimace kaya siya pinasusuot ng purple costume. pero ito ang pinakamatinong teorya so far... pang-sampu: Si Grimace, kasama ng iba pang mascots ng McDo, ay pinakilala noong 70's. Siya ang nagrepresent ng Blueberry milkshakes na ni-launch sa US. Ang tawag talaga sa kanya ay Evil Grimace, kasi nga nagnenenok siya ng milkshakes. Galing siya sa isla na puno ng sigla at puro milkshakes. (Okay, whatever...) Eh ano ba ang official word ng McDo??? Well, may tumawag sa McDo to ask nga kung sino ba talaga si Grimace... Alam mo kung ano ang sinabi ng babaeng sumagot ng phone.....??? "He's a potato."